by mark on May 17, 2009
Who do you think has anxiety the most from kids having to unplug from their devices when they go to summer camp for two weeks? The kids? Or Mom or Dad?
In some cases, both.
Having gone through an Internet connectivity outage that went on for over twenty four hours, I can understand what it is like to feel unable to communicate via email, keep up with the outside world, and get work done. I work from home. So my Internet connection is important to me. I experienced significant frustration, a feeling of helplessness, perhaps some anxiety. But within a few hours, I realized that I would survive and that my connectivity would be restored at some point, and then I was able to move on to enjoy my forced vacation from being online.
Sounds like the kids who experienced the forced disconnection from tech at summer camp go through the same thing. But they do survive and quickly find out that their time can be filled with enjoyable things to do with other people. And many find that they even don’t miss their connectivity.
But the helicopter parents mentioned in the article appear to be the most anxious ones. Gasp! They can’t be in constant contact with their kids! And what is their reaction? Fear! The idea that their kids can’t pick up after a couple of rings to reassure them that they are safe makes Mom really uneasy… Does Mom resolve to let go and just get a grip? No. Instead she reassures herself that she can bug the camp counselors frequently to check in on her kid.
And what do the camp counselors have to do to fend off the barrage of worrisome parents constantly calling? They have to reassure parents that their kids are still alive by posting photos of them on an online gallery. Oh brother.
When I was a kid, my parents dropped me off for two weeks at camp, and then hopped on a ship to the Bahamas for at least a week if not longer. There was no way that either of us could get in touch with each other even if there was some kind of emergency. Maybe some kind of telegram could have been sent to let them know that I was eaten by a bear. But I have a feeling that my parents would have rather waited to hear about that when they got home. Why spoil a fun vacation in the Caribbean with news of my unfortunate death?
[photo by Symic]
Photo by Wesley Fryer
You’re watching the evening news and the anchor says, “Coming up next! Something that will scare the crap out of you!” After a sequence of commercials, back to the news program where they report on a murder, or an abduction, or just something that shocks and frightens you.
They peddle fear because it sells advertising. It gets you to pay attention.
We don’t become overly concerned about our safety in the real world, because we live in it every day — working, shopping, socializing, jogging &mdash and we know it’s safe based on our experiences. Horrible things on the news rarely ever show up in our lives.
The news widely reports, and harps on, those rare events that happen in the real world.
When they report about online dangers and examples of bad things happening on FaceBook, MySpace, chat rooms and the like, some parents become very nervous about their kids being in the online world.
Some parents, not having a lot of experience in the online world, aren’t living it every day and can’t grasp that it’s relatively safe. They are only going on the sensationalized news stories.
If you’re one of those parents who is concerned about the online world your kids inhabit, you need to take some steps so that you can relax.
First, get some facts to put things in perspective. I heard Lenore Skenazy on NPR’s Talk of the Nation to discuss the realities of online predators with Neil Conan, Richard Blumenthal, and Janis Wolak. Each has a unique perspective on, and it is worth the half-hour listen.
Lenore also wrote about the subject on her
Free Range Kids blog So check them both out.
Next, calm your nerves by familiarizing yourself with the online world. Even better, ask your kids to help setting you up. If they show you the ropes you’ll get a good idea of what they do online as they explain to you what is cool and what is dumb. Ask them questions like, “What if somebody friends me, but I don’t want to be their friend?” or “If somebody is my friend, and they start bugging me, can I unfriend them?” You may come away with a feeling that you’re kids are doing a good job of being safer online than you think.
But don’t be insulted or angry if they won’t friend you. This is a way that your kids hang out with their peers. You’re their parent, not their peer, and they will think it’s creepy that their parents insist on always being present in their teen hangout. Besides, don’t we want to keep adults out of our kids online hangouts?
Pick up Lenore’s, Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry
and help your kids to grow up stronger and independent.
