Photo by Wesley Fryer
You’re watching the evening news and the anchor says, “Coming up next! Something that will scare the crap out of you!” After a sequence of commercials, back to the news program where they report on a murder, or an abduction, or just something that shocks and frightens you.
They peddle fear because it sells advertising. It gets you to pay attention.
We don’t become overly concerned about our safety in the real world, because we live in it every day — working, shopping, socializing, jogging &mdash and we know it’s safe based on our experiences. Horrible things on the news rarely ever show up in our lives.
The news widely reports, and harps on, those rare events that happen in the real world.
When they report about online dangers and examples of bad things happening on FaceBook, MySpace, chat rooms and the like, some parents become very nervous about their kids being in the online world.
Some parents, not having a lot of experience in the online world, aren’t living it every day and can’t grasp that it’s relatively safe. They are only going on the sensationalized news stories.
If you’re one of those parents who is concerned about the online world your kids inhabit, you need to take some steps so that you can relax.
First, get some facts to put things in perspective. I heard Lenore Skenazy on NPR’s Talk of the Nation to discuss the realities of online predators with Neil Conan, Richard Blumenthal, and Janis Wolak. Each has a unique perspective on, and it is worth the half-hour listen.
Lenore also wrote about the subject on her
Free Range Kids blog So check them both out.
Next, calm your nerves by familiarizing yourself with the online world. Even better, ask your kids to help setting you up. If they show you the ropes you’ll get a good idea of what they do online as they explain to you what is cool and what is dumb. Ask them questions like, “What if somebody friends me, but I don’t want to be their friend?” or “If somebody is my friend, and they start bugging me, can I unfriend them?” You may come away with a feeling that you’re kids are doing a good job of being safer online than you think.
But don’t be insulted or angry if they won’t friend you. This is a way that your kids hang out with their peers. You’re their parent, not their peer, and they will think it’s creepy that their parents insist on always being present in their teen hangout. Besides, don’t we want to keep adults out of our kids online hangouts?
Pick up Lenore’s, Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry
and help your kids to grow up stronger and independent.
by mark on March 31, 2009
Speaking to a customer who was trying out ComputerTime, I was asked if ComputerTime did parental control types of things. What she really was asking was, “Does ComputerTime do internet filtering?” Some people think the terms are synonymous. But parental control software is a more general term and can refer to different types of control.
Blocking and Logging Parental Control Software
Most parental control software that hit the market over a decade ago, primarily monitored or blocked websites along with other internet related activities. Some software went as far as spying on kids every activity.
Website blocking software has never been extremely effective*. To be effective, the database of sites that need to be blocked has to be complete. But everyday, tens of thousands of new domains are registered. Old domains expire and are acquired by people who put up different web pages than the previous owners. If you feel comfortable utilizing a tool that may only be 90% accurate — that’s better than nothing — but don’t rely on it for real protection.
I Spy with my 25 Eyes by nickhall
Tools that give parents detailed logs of websites visited, every keystroke typed, and even screen snapshots seem a bit creepy. Just because parents can monitor every aspect of their kids online lives, is it the right thing to do? Parents will take different sides on this issue. Parents today should think back to when they were kids: If your parents clandestinely listened in on your phone conversations, or trailed you in their cars at a distance, using parabolic microphones to listen to your conversations across the parking lot, would you resent or respect them for how they handled your upbringing.
SoftwareTime’s Approach to Parental Control
SoftwareTime’s stance is that the best web filter is the watchful eye of the parent. Ensure that computers are located in a public area of the house and if you choose, set limits that disallow use of the computer at times that you won’t be around to keep an eye on the activity.
ComputerTime encourages responsible use of computers. Kids push against boundaries, not always respecting limits. They don’t always act in their own best interest, and ignore consequences. Parental guidance is required. ComputerTime helps parents to provide this guidance, but does not replace parents.
With ComputerTime, it’s you, the parent, that still sets the rules for how long and when your kids can be on the computer. You can be strict with the limits that you set, or you can be flexible and let the kids manage their time within relaxed constraints if they have shown themselves to be more responsible. Since you’re only managing time with ComputerTime, it’s a less intrusive type of parental control.
Things Are and Aren’t Different Today
Kids with cell phones, the web, IM, email, FaceBook, MySpace… It’s a whole new world.
But kids themselves, they haven’t changed all that much. The aspire to be trusted, respected, loved, appreciated, etc.
The best way to handle our children in today’s technology-saturated world is similar to what our parents would have done when we were kids:
- Have a good, open relationship with our kids where they feel comfortable talking with you. Spying on them would joepardize that relationship, so don’t do that.
- Provide guidance. Teach your kids good values and responsibility so that kids can do the right thing whether that be at the playground, the mall, or online.
- Pay attention to your kids. You’ll know when something is wrong; attentive parents notice subtle changes in kids behavior and moods when they are in trouble.
- Give them roots and wings
Do you agree with this philosophy? Do you think parents always be aware of exactly what’s going on? Overtly or covertly? Leave a comment below.
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A quick shout out to my friend Brett, who posted about his fears and uncertainties about how to best handle the issue of how much privacy he should give his kids when they’re old enough to get onto the Internet. It’s a problem that a lot of parents wrestle with, and inspired me to share my two cents.
by mark on March 14, 2009
…and again, and again…
Basically don’t stop thinking. You’ve graduated from a fine school perhaps, but that’s no reason to stop learning. The benefits of education don’t end.
Some studies even suggest a correlation between longevity and continuing education.
Reading won’t just stave off Alzheimer’s by exercising your mind, you will learn to make better decisions in all aspects of your life.
Learning new things improves your job prospects or can help you succeed in your own business.
The Internet is great for researching topics and quickly jumping to a piece of information with a Google search. But what about deeper learning? There are libraries of ebooks that you can read for free. Many of the classics of literature. There are course that you can take online. Free course materials that you can dig through at your own pace. Educational Podcasts.
A great place to start would be the Self-Education Resource List.
You could easily lose yourself for eight hours a day with all of these resources. However, you know the Families and Technology shtick: The Internet is a wonderful tool, but it should not supplant the very valuable interaction with real people, the outdoors, and actually doing things.
If you find yourself getting addicted to online learning, install ComputerTime to reintroduce some balance in your activities.
How do you make good use of information resources?
by mark on February 24, 2009
Following up on my previous post about fearing the internet…
As a parent (or grandparent, educator, child-care-giver, whatever),
by mark on February 24, 2009
“Your kids may be in danger!” says the news media. They know fear gets people’s attention; attention let’s them sell advertising. The truth may just be less attention-grabbing.
Is the Internet a dangerous place where evil lurks and kids are at risk? Do we need to worry?
No. Probably not. Recent findings from a task force created by 49 state attorneys general suggests that parents can relax.
Report Calls Online Threats to Children Overblown. There is no significant problem after all according to the report.
Attorney General Richard Blumenthal criticizes the report and insists that “Children are solicited every day online. Some fall prey and the results are tragic. That harsh reality defies the statistical academic research underlying the report.”
Actually, most of the children are being solicited online by other children, and most children that get involved with adults online are actively pursuing such activity. Statistics don’t always tell the whole story and the fear mongers will withhold details if it doesn’t serve their purpose.
The whole report can be found here: Enhancing Child Safety and Online Technologies.
Porn and violence have become more prevelent in various media, yet teens are having less sex and there is less real violence. Is there a relationship there? Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds asks, are porn and violence good for America’s children? Then he says:
Maybe the porn, and the videogames, provided catharsis, serving as substitutes for the real thing. Maybe. And maybe there’s no connection at all. (Or maybe it’s a different one — research indicates that teenagers, though safer and healthier, are also fatter — so perhaps the other improvements are the result of teens sitting around looking at porn and videogames until they’re too out-of-shape and unattractive for the real thing…) Most likely, the lesson is that — once again — correlation isn’t causation, despite policy entrepreneurs’ efforts to claim otherwise.
In another report, video games do not lead to violence.
If we can trust these reports, then kids are not at increased risk of physical harm. Good! How about other detrimental psychological effects? Does it affect their brains? They’re social skills? Will it give them ADD?
Psychologist Dr. Helen Smith asks, Do social websites harm children’s brains? Helen points to the news about a neuroscientist, Susan Greenfield, who refers to sites like Facebook, Twitter and the like and says, “My fear is that these technologies are infantilising the brain into the state of small children who are attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights, who have a small attention span and who live for the moment…”
Wait a minute… haven’t kids of all ages, over the past century, been attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights? Don’t all teenagers have small attention spans and live for the moment? That’s a safe bet.
But let us not be so quick to be entirely dismissive. Parents are witnesses to their kids growing up around 24/7 cartoon cable channels, Internet access, Facebook, YouTube, cell phones, and instant messaging. Many have seen that when they don’t impose limits, hell breaks loose. Raising teenagers regardless of technology is one big exercise in imposing limits.
So what’s a parent to do in the absense of a definitive study that gives us clear results on if technology is beneficial or detrimental? Set limits, of course. Make sure the kids are finding time to do all of the other things that kids should be doing. Everything in moderation. Take everything the media tells you with a grain of salt and trust your parental instincts.
Here is a smattering of additional links that I’ve collected over the past few months that I want to share, but don’t feel like addressing individually right now. Enjoy.
Digital Overload Is Frying Our Brains
More ‘Screen Time’ Linked to Poor Fitness in Girls
How the Internet Damages Our Culture
Culture Makes the Internet Cruder, Not the Other Way Around
Study links TV and depression
What are your thoughts on all of this?
by mark on November 9, 2008
We don’t expect enough from our teens. And it’s hurting us as a society, says Newt Gingrich in last week’s Business Week.
“At age 13, [Benjamin] Franklin finished school in Boston, was apprenticed to his brother, a printer and publisher, and moved immediately into adulthood.
“John Quincy Adams attended Leiden University in Holland at 13 and at 14 was employed as secretary and interpreter by the American Ambassador to Russia. At 16 he was secretary to the U.S. delegation during the negotiations with Britain that ended the Revolution.
“Daniel Boone got his first rifle at 12, was an expert hunter at 13, and at 15 made a yearlong trek through the wilderness to begin his career as America’s most famous explorer. The list goes on and on.”
That was then and this is now? Times change? Well, he makes some pretty good points and maybe it’s time to change back to a model where we expect our kids to be more productive. Not back to sweatshops, but how about letting them do things that they love and letting them make money doing it? Our laws actually prevent able-bodied and willing kids from working part-time outside of lemonade stands, baby sitting, or newspaper delivery.
We’ve created adolescence to keep kids out of sweatshops but we’re past that now. We keep inner-city kids trapped in a lousy educational system and this contributes to gangs, drug problems, and irresponsible sexual activity. Even middle-class and wealthy kids have a lot more to contribute to society, but that resource goes untapped. Haven’t we noticed a shift with adolescence being pushed into mid-twenties and beyond?
What does this have to do with the Internet though? Let me hand it back over to Newt:
“Fortunately, innovations in technology and in financial incentives to learn offer hope.
“The Information Age makes it possible for young people to learn much faster than our current failed bureaucracies and obsolete curriculums permit. New systems such as Curriki, founded by Sun Microsystems and now an independent nonprofit, allow a community of teachers and learners to collaborate via the Internet to create quality educational materials for free—giving every American access to learning 24 hours a day.”
Makes it possible, yes, but only if somebody takes advantage of the opportunities will it make a difference.
What an inspiring story of Ashley Qualls, who started with $8 from her mom to start a website at age 14, and by the time she was 17 had a million-dollar business.
Most stories about teens and the Internet revolve around wasted endless hours, aimless social networking, instant messaging addiction. But Ashley decided to do something else. With a strong work ethic, she applied herself and lifted herself and her family from living in a one-bedroom apartment and insecurity into a $250,000 house and no more worries.
What are your kids squandering their time doing? Is technology controlling your kids’ time, or are your kids using technology to control their future, because the opportunities are there, and they appear to be endless.
[Hat tip to my friend Gary for pointing out the Gingrich article in Business Week. You should read the whole thing.]
“Something profound seems to be happening to the human brain,” says Susan Greenfield, Oxford professor and head of the Royal Institution of Great Britian, “and what really worries me is that we could be sleepwalking into a new world of technology without even considering what it is doing to our brains.”
Hours spent in front of computer screens and TV everyday increase dopamine production in our brains, she contends, and other scientists suggest that these higher dopamine levels can result in changes in how the brain works.
Are the changes good or bad? Perhaps a little of both. On the negative side, shorter attention spans and being more risk-averse are some of the changes that she’s noted. This might be playing into afflictions that are on the rise in young people, such as obesity, gambling, drinking and violence.
She adds, speaking of the generations attached to screens, “They will be people who are more hedonistic and tend to live for the moment, a life that is more sensory and less cognitive.”
On the positive side, some people can actually benefit from being less cautious or more risk-averse, she admits. She’s not against the use of technology. She strongly advocates research and large-scale studies to determine how technology affects our brains. So far, all we seem to have is mostly anecdotal evidence; we need some science to back up our observations.
Parents do not want to wait five to ten years for science to provide an unequivocal answer. There seems to be plenty of anecdotal evidence to convince any parent that too much screen time isn’t good for kids.
“Once I was a scuba diver in the sea of words. Now I zip along the surface like a guy on a Jet Ski.” That’s how Nicholas Carr describes how heavy use of the Net has changed his reading ability. “The deep reading that used to come naturally has become a struggle.” he says. He also has anecdotes from his friends — including a medical blogger, and a literature major — who say that they’ve experienced the same changes in reading habits.
“I think I know what’s going on. For more than a decade now, I’ve been spending a lot of time online, searching and surfing and sometimes adding to the great databases of the Internet. The Web has been a godsend to me as a writer. Research that once required days in the stacks or periodical rooms of libraries can now be done in minutes. A few Google searches, some quick clicks on hyperlinks, and I’ve got the telltale fact or pithy quote I was after. Even when I’m not working, I’m as likely as not to be foraging in the Web’s info-thickets—reading and writing e-mails, scanning headlines and blog posts, watching videos and listening to podcasts, or just tripping from link to link to link. (Unlike footnotes, to which they’re sometimes likened, hyperlinks don’t merely point to related works; they propel you toward them.)”
Even though we are on the Internet, we’re still reading. It’s just a web browser instead of a book, and some studies suggest that kids are reading more because of the Internet. While that may be true, online reading is less focused, people read short snippets before they click on a link and are zipped off to read another snippet, and there are a lot of distractions online.
Reading differently results in us thinking differently. We’re not reading as deeply. We aren’t as engaged and we’re easily distracted. This new reading style favors efficiency and immediacy rather than depth, reflection, and contemplation.
So what’s the takeaway from all of this? Like wine and chocolate, the Internet is good for you, but only if you use it moderately.
References:
Hat Tip to Kevin Arthur who brought one of the articles to my attention.
