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paranoia

Who do you think has anxiety the most from kids having to unplug from their devices when they go to summer camp for two weeks? The kids? Or Mom or Dad?

In some cases, both.

Having gone through an Internet connectivity outage that went on for over twenty four hours, I can understand what it is like to feel unable to communicate via email, keep up with the outside world, and get work done. I work from home. So my Internet connection is important to me. I experienced significant frustration, a feeling of helplessness, perhaps some anxiety. But within a few hours, I realized that I would survive and that my connectivity would be restored at some point, and then I was able to move on to enjoy my forced vacation from being online.

Sounds like the kids who experienced the forced disconnection from tech at summer camp go through the same thing. But they do survive and quickly find out that their time can be filled with enjoyable things to do with other people. And many find that they even don’t miss their connectivity.

But the helicopter parents mentioned in the article appear to be the most anxious ones. Gasp! They can’t be in constant contact with their kids! And what is their reaction? Fear! The idea that their kids can’t pick up after a couple of rings to reassure them that they are safe makes Mom really uneasy… Does Mom resolve to let go and just get a grip? No. Instead she reassures herself that she can bug the camp counselors frequently to check in on her kid.

And what do the camp counselors have to do to fend off the barrage of worrisome parents constantly calling? They have to reassure parents that their kids are still alive by posting photos of them on an online gallery. Oh brother.

When I was a kid, my parents dropped me off for two weeks at camp, and then hopped on a ship to the Bahamas for at least a week if not longer. There was no way that either of us could get in touch with each other even if there was some kind of emergency. Maybe some kind of telegram could have been sent to let them know that I was eaten by a bear. But I have a feeling that my parents would have rather waited to hear about that when they got home. Why spoil a fun vacation in the Caribbean with news of my unfortunate death?

[photo by Symic]

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Kids on their LaptopsPhoto by Wesley Fryer

You’re watching the evening news and the anchor says, “Coming up next! Something that will scare the crap out of you!” After a sequence of commercials, back to the news program where they report on a murder, or an abduction, or just something that shocks and frightens you.

They peddle fear because it sells advertising. It gets you to pay attention.

We don’t become overly concerned about our safety in the real world, because we live in it every day — working, shopping, socializing, jogging &mdash and we know it’s safe based on our experiences. Horrible things on the news rarely ever show up in our lives.

The news widely reports, and harps on, those rare events that happen in the real world.

When they report about online dangers and examples of bad things happening on FaceBook, MySpace, chat rooms and the like, some parents become very nervous about their kids being in the online world.

Some parents, not having a lot of experience in the online world, aren’t living it every day and can’t grasp that it’s relatively safe. They are only going on the sensationalized news stories.

If you’re one of those parents who is concerned about the online world your kids inhabit, you need to take some steps so that you can relax.

First, get some facts to put things in perspective. I heard Lenore Skenazy on NPR’s Talk of the Nation to discuss the realities of online predators with Neil Conan, Richard Blumenthal, and Janis Wolak. Each has a unique perspective on, and it is worth the half-hour listen.

Lenore also wrote about the subject on her
Free Range Kids blog So check them both out.

Next, calm your nerves by familiarizing yourself with the online world. Even better, ask your kids to help setting you up. If they show you the ropes you’ll get a good idea of what they do online as they explain to you what is cool and what is dumb. Ask them questions like, “What if somebody friends me, but I don’t want to be their friend?” or “If somebody is my friend, and they start bugging me, can I unfriend them?” You may come away with a feeling that you’re kids are doing a good job of being safer online than you think.

But don’t be insulted or angry if they won’t friend you. This is a way that your kids hang out with their peers. You’re their parent, not their peer, and they will think it’s creepy that their parents insist on always being present in their teen hangout. Besides, don’t we want to keep adults out of our kids online hangouts?

Pick up Lenore’s, Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry and help your kids to grow up stronger and independent.

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Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy

by mark on April 26, 2009

Talking to my ex the other day about my 13-year-old son and how I would be willing to let him go hang out by the beach with his friends in the summer time, she made it clear that she wouldn’t agree to that.

I pointed out that when we were 13 years old that we did things like that all of the time. That valid point was simply dismissed and I got the hair-raising “Well, it’s a different world today.”

<Sigh> Yes, it is a different world today. In general, a safer one for kids.

In our town, we have a small beach, heavily populated with adults, and more than one lifeguard on duty. And our son is not a risk-taker. And we’re talking about Long Island Sound — there is no surf on this beach!

I just ordered Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry and after I am done reading it I’ll pass it along to her to see if it has any effect.

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The Only Thing We Have to Fear…

by mark on February 24, 2009

“Your kids may be in danger!” says the news media. They know fear gets people’s attention; attention let’s them sell advertising. The truth may just be less attention-grabbing.

Is the Internet a dangerous place where evil lurks and kids are at risk? Do we need to worry?

No. Probably not. Recent findings from a task force created by 49 state attorneys general suggests that parents can relax.

Report Calls Online Threats to Children Overblown. There is no significant problem after all according to the report.

Attorney General Richard Blumenthal criticizes the report and insists that “Children are solicited every day online. Some fall prey and the results are tragic. That harsh reality defies the statistical academic research underlying the report.”

Actually, most of the children are being solicited online by other children, and most children that get involved with adults online are actively pursuing such activity. Statistics don’t always tell the whole story and the fear mongers will withhold details if it doesn’t serve their purpose.

The whole report can be found here: Enhancing Child Safety and Online Technologies.

Porn and violence have become more prevelent in various media, yet teens are having less sex and there is less real violence. Is there a relationship there? Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds asks, are porn and violence good for America’s children? Then he says:

Maybe the porn, and the videogames, provided catharsis, serving as substitutes for the real thing. Maybe. And maybe there’s no connection at all. (Or maybe it’s a different one — research indicates that teenagers, though safer and healthier, are also fatter — so perhaps the other improvements are the result of teens sitting around looking at porn and videogames until they’re too out-of-shape and unattractive for the real thing…) Most likely, the lesson is that — once again — correlation isn’t causation, despite policy entrepreneurs’ efforts to claim otherwise.

In another report, video games do not lead to violence.

If we can trust these reports, then kids are not at increased risk of physical harm. Good! How about other detrimental psychological effects? Does it affect their brains? They’re social skills? Will it give them ADD?

Psychologist Dr. Helen Smith asks, Do social websites harm children’s brains? Helen points to the news about a neuroscientist, Susan Greenfield, who refers to sites like Facebook, Twitter and the like and says, “My fear is that these technologies are infantilising the brain into the state of small children who are attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights, who have a small attention span and who live for the moment…”

Wait a minute… haven’t kids of all ages, over the past century, been attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights? Don’t all teenagers have small attention spans and live for the moment? That’s a safe bet.

But let us not be so quick to be entirely dismissive. Parents are witnesses to their kids growing up around 24/7 cartoon cable channels, Internet access, Facebook, YouTube, cell phones, and instant messaging. Many have seen that when they don’t impose limits, hell breaks loose. Raising teenagers regardless of technology is one big exercise in imposing limits.

So what’s a parent to do in the absense of a definitive study that gives us clear results on if technology is beneficial or detrimental? Set limits, of course. Make sure the kids are finding time to do all of the other things that kids should be doing. Everything in moderation. Take everything the media tells you with a grain of salt and trust your parental instincts.

Here is a smattering of additional links that I’ve collected over the past few months that I want to share, but don’t feel like addressing individually right now. Enjoy.

Digital Overload Is Frying Our Brains

More ‘Screen Time’ Linked to Poor Fitness in Girls

How the Internet Damages Our Culture

Culture Makes the Internet Cruder, Not the Other Way Around

Study links TV and depression

What are your thoughts on all of this?

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Free E-Book on Free Range Kids

by mark on February 16, 2009

Though it’s a couple of years old, I came across a free e-book about free range kids: No Fear: Growing up in a risk averse society, by Tim Gill.

This is not to be confused with the Free Range Kids blog by Lenore Skenazy, or her upcoming book called Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry

The “No Fear” e-book was found via Instapundit.

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How old do your kids need to be before you’ll let them travel on public transportation?

My daughter just flew from JFK to Houston with a friend the same age as her: fourteen. A direct flight, with adults dropping them off at the gate and picking them up at the other end. All things considered they were extremely safe through this trip over the holidays.

When we ran into friends and relatives around the holidays who noticed she was absent, we told them she was in Texas.

“She’s in Texas? Who did she go with?”.

“With one of her classmates. They went to visit a mutual friend.”

“Oh, her friend’s family was going down too?”, with a sense of relief on their faces.

“No. Just the two of them,” I said, as I watched their eyes open wide with disbelief.

Most didn’t react that way. I often heard people say that this would be good step for her and that she would build some confidence out of the trip. The strongest disagreement with my choice seemed to come from mothers, while fathers seemed generally more supportive.

Ryan on the TrainMy father, at age 12, took a train to NYC from Connecticut with his cousin. He survived to tell the tale just fine. How did they get to the train station in New Haven or Bridgeport? They hitchhiked. They made this trip more than once.

Lenore Skenazy, was letting her son, at nine years, ride the subway in NYC, by himself. The day after Christmas this year — he is now ten years old — he got on the train, and a conductor finding him traveling alone raised an issue believing that this was not right. The police were called, but eventually, it turns out that everything was OK. The policy of the MTA, which nobody was apparently aware of, states that kids can ride along as long as they are eight and up.

The hair on my neck bristles sometimes when I hear people say, “Well, we live in different times. It’s not like it used to be,” with the assumption that the world is a more dangerous place.

But the only stats that I’ve seen have indicated that the world is getting to be a safer place for children, with rates of crime against children actually dropping.

Parents that live in fear and impose overly restrictive limits on their kids are making a terribly misinformed decision. Reality does not support the reasons that they are choosing to limit their kids experiences. Worse, they are passing their irrational fears onto their children, who will grow up wrongly believing that the world is to be feared and danger lurks everywhere.

Subway: View from the FrontWould you let your ten-year-old ride the MTA around NYC alone? When your neighborhood is NYC, then I don’t see why you wouldn’t. Some parents would probably side with people who think that Lenore is an irresponsible parent. Lenore sees that she’s giving her kids freedom, responsibility, and experiences that will serve them well in becoming adults. I side with her. I believe that the job of raising a child is one where you gradually give a kid more freedom and responsibility so that by the time their are an adult, they are well-prepared.

Nowadays, consider that kids who are likely to be traveling on airlines or subways are also outfitted with a cell phone, giving them easy access to emergency services. Such luxuries didn’t exist when my Dad traveled.  They certainly didn’t exist in the days of Ben Franklin and Davy Crockett either, who began adulthood in their early teens.

I have Lenore’s book, Free Range Kids: Giving Our Kids the Freedom We Enjoyed Without Going Nuts with Worry, on order, and I’ll be following her new blog, Free Range Kids.

Indeed, times have changed.  Unfortunately it is the parents have changed. Thank you John Walsh and the rest of the media for inciting record levels of fear amongst parents.

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Can One Bumbling Scientist Destroy Us All?

by mark on April 22, 2008

Apparently not… supposedly…  At least not by creating a black hole here on Earth.

My feeble little mind understands enough to create worry about some silly things. Take black holes for existence. My working layman’s definition of a black hole is some entity that is so incredibly dense, that its gravity is so strong that he can pull matter into itself, and it’s so strong that even light can’t escape it.

My physics major friends are all laughing at me now.

But when I read stories about the Large Hadron Collider and how it might be used to create microscopic black holes, I then envision the LHC getting immediately sucked into the black hole, followed by the rest of the lab at CERN, followed by Switzerland, and then Europe. Then I figure I’ll hear that sound you get when you snap your cheek with your finger as the whole planet collapses into the black hole.

If you are willing to trust the scientists, this isn’t likely to happen.

Phewww!

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